June 1, 2012
Okay, so this is the first official entry of my “fat memoir.” Who knows where this will go – if anywhere. But the point of this is to hold myself accountable for what I’m shoving in my pie hole (pun intended) every day. It’s gotten to the point of being ridiculous. I weigh the same as what I weighed 9 months pregnant with Annabelle. That’s incredible. Too close to 200 pounds for my comfort. Cripes, that’s what CHRIS weighs. As I type, I’m laying here in a pair of his pants. Granted, I was just painting the cabin but let’s just say they aren’t exactly too loose.
So today was going to be “the day.” Again. “The day” when I’d start my diet. Let’s see…I woke up and Annabelle offered me a PopTart. “I’ll start right after this,” I told myself. Can I be any more stereotypical of a dieter? So I ate two PopTarts and the crusts from the ones the girls didn’t eat. I washed them down with some leftover Fresca from last night (yes, I had mixed it with Vodka…didn’t I say I was at THE CABIN?!)
I was also going to take a “run” this morning. I even packed a sports bra. I’m not really sure what happened there. Let’s just say it never bodes well for a morning run when three crabby-ass kids bumble out of their rooms at 6:15am fighting about who gets the iPad first.
I’m not totally sure of what I ate mid-morning. Ok, that’s not true now that I actually think about it. I discovered a green Tupperware filled with yellow frosting cookies. The generic grocery store kind – not even the good ones. I managed to eat 10 of them as I kept a watchful eye on the front window in case Chris came in. He powerwashed the whole cabin today. He probably burned enough calories to eat a box of PopTarts.
Lunch was crunchy peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I also shoved about 15 handfuls of corn tortilla chips into my mouth without even really tasting them. I cracked open a can of Mr. Pibb even though I’m supposed to be “off pop.” Again, I’m at the CABIN, right!? I simply can’t be held accountable for what I eat up here, can I ?
Ok, so then an hour or so later, I needed something. I glared at the bunch of bananas on the stove as I swished by headed for the bag of marshmallows just a couple feet away. Now give me some credit here – I actually sipped on a bottled water at this point. BOTTLED WATER! Now that’s borderline healthy if you ask me.
Dinner was frozen pizza – well, not frozen per se. I did manage to let it cook before I gobbled up 5 pieces. I think poor little Alec would have enjoyed one more piece, but alas, I got to it first.
Now lest you think I was done for the day…oh no! We went into town to buy some paint and Chris promised the girls ice cream if they were good at Menards. They were not. But I think Chris really wanted the ice cream so we stopped at the McDonald’s drive thru. And this is where things get ugly. Chris proceeds to order ice cream for the kids and NOTHING FOR ME!!
“Ah, excuse me…” I say as he starts pulling away from the microphone.

“What? I thought you were off sugar.”
Oh yeah. Dangit. I had told him that, didn’t I. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
“Fine,” I said, sulking down into my seat.
He put the car in reverse. “I’ll also have a fudge sundae.”
A tiny, victorious smile breaks out across my face. I turn to the window so he doesn’t see. I feel like a five year old.
Oh brother, I didn’t plan on this post being so long but man I guess I eat a lot!
Like I said, I had to paint the cabin tonight and I decided I would do much better work if I sipped on a Bloody Mary while doing it. I had pre-planned and bought a beef jerky stick at Menards so I can’t lie and say I did this on a whim. It was delicious. I almost had a second but I must admit, my tum tum is a little upset.
Now what ever could have caused that?